so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
