Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
