Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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