these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
