I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
