Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
