My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
