no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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