i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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