You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
