I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't deserve a penis
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
