i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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