Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
