Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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