Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
