I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
