Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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