Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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