I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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