how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
