why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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