i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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