Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
