Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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