ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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