He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
