So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
