thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize