ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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