That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
