have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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