Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
