maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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