I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So many bounce houses so little time
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
