i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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