Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize