I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
