my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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