So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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