Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
