brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
