Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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