My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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