the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
