Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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