So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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