If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The air taste purple.
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