The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
