I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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