This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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