Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
