Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
