they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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