I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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