I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
