I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize