His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
