dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
