No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
