Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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