Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
