Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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