Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
