If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
