I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
