Dual....:-)
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
