I heard we made out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.