I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
