he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece