1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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