I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low