Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This baby is an asshole
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
