I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
