Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
