What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
