I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
