I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
