Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
